Nurse: “Do you feel that you are at risk for falling?”
Me: *eye twitch*
One of the joys of being a cardiac patient is that you get uncomfortably used to identifying what "color" of passing out you just did. A whiteout or greyout is different from a blackout. But then, the duration of the lack of consciousness matters, as does the way your body collapsed. The latter can be especially telling when trying to figure out what happened, after the fact.
"Normal" passing out (Vasovagal syncope) generally has a person crumpling to the ground. Usually, there is some warning, be it dizziness, feelings of hot/cold, nausea, etc. This is what happened to me recently when I was at the vet with my cat.
I was in a small room with multiple people, having kept my coat on to protect myself from my cat's murder mittens. I noticed that I was getting a little dizzy and weak and certainly felt hot, but knew we would be done soon so I tried to power through (my cat does not play well with others and behaves better for me). But by the time my hearing was muffled and my vision had narrowed, it was too late and I was already going down. Shockingly, somehow, I managed to keep hold of my cat's scruff, pull her against my stomach, and protect her as I ended up on the floor. I woke up to the back of my head hitting the wall. The next moments were a blur but I distinctly remember being impressed by the swarm of nonplussed vet techs that handed me water, a wet towel, and shards of my dignity. (I honestly think if vet techs ran the Emergency Department, we would all be better off.) While my cardiologist would later confirm, even in that moment I knew it was not one of my potentially fatal cardiac events because they feel far different.
In the news recently, a Bills football player had an episode of Sudden Cardiac Arrest (SCA) and is alive today because he received CPR on the field. The way he collapsed was very telling and sadly familiar. What I call my breakthrough cardiac event can never be confirmed as such because I did not have a defibrillator at the time. Without that record, it is only a guess as to what happened. However, the way I collapsed is the same way that Damar Hamlin fell on the field.
Rather than crumpling to the ground, I was like a tree being felled. I popped to standing and then immediately blacked out, with no warning, to wake up face first on the floor gasping for air. Even in my later events when I've had warning, it was seconds and the way in which I faded to black was quicker and felt different. When your heart is in Ventricular Fibrillation (VF) it is beating so fast so as to not move blood at all, so breathing felt useless. I vividly remember being unable to call out for help in those precious last seconds of awareness.
Waking up from something like SCA/VF feels distinct, as well. My lungs burned and those first gasps for air were unlike anything I've ever experienced, even when I've run marathons. I wonder if it's the same thing a baby feels, when it breathes for the first time.
But then, when you come back from the dead, it's kind of the same thing, isn't it?
